Sunday, April 17, 2005 @3:06 AM
heyys dere.
well. realli. no more syf.
band prac cut down. realli sux big time.
my mom. no. almost all my family givin me pressure.
wif all the scoldin n naggin.
wah lao. hate it man.
lets dun tok abt it riao.
recently i came across a friend of mine.
who actually havin a similar situation i experinced b4.
i still remember after i waved gd bye to my sec 2 yr which was the best yr i ever had.
i didnt noe lots of thing cld juz changed my whole life.
esp my passion towards band n music.
use to be a blur-as-ever, innocent small litter ger.(compare wif now. big different ://)
tot my life goin continue like tis. but life isnt a bed of rose after all.
sec 3. seniors left the band. those one yr old seniors.
took over the band. whole section suck up the seniors. i was in big trouble.
backstabbed n all.
i told myself. dun care abt 'em
at lease i know i didnt do anithing wrong.
somehow did those punishment which i dun deserve. realli hurts my pride.
sec 3 was also my 1st syf.
before syf. things which i wldnt wish fer.. realli made me see wot's reality actually means.
kahruim. she's always the one who understand how i feel fer the band.
we ponn band prac together n all. ha.
sars period took place.
syf was delay. i realli wished tis didnt happen.
the band was realli havin bad time. i wished syf cld have over.
n i cld quickly stay away frm the band.
i didnt expected her to quit tis game. commited suicid
she've been suffering frm depression. nobody noes it. includin me.
if syf over. i bet tis will lessen her burden.
she cld have still together wif us.
my mood goin to band prac. was damn sickening.
facin the pple who use to be the bastard n bitch.
they dun feel sry fer kahruim at all.
i also felt v sry fer mr sim.
he put lots of efford fer gsb. yet pple took him fer granted.
2003 syf. i still remember i brought a white rose.
request to bring it to vch. wif kahruim's trumpet.
in the end. i am so so. disappointed.
we didnt make it. no is nt we. is me n the gsb.
after syf. n mr sim left.
i actually decided to leave tt band.
nvr touch the flute again.
all my skill n playin went rusty.
again. family prb.
that was the time. i finally cld feel kahruim's sorrow-
my sky was damn dark. i was livin a life of HELL.
i gave up on lots of thing.
i started to do things alone n all.
cried in slience.
tot of suicid too. juz like she did.
theres once i wrote smth fer kahruim durin lesson.
caught by maths teacher. he took my paper str8 away.
but i scolded him back. well. sent to office.
tok to the principal.
after tt i was send to counseling every wk.
i was told tt i was actually havin depression.
ya. slowly. i learn to control my emotion.
ofcos. i tryin to be like the way i use to be.
somehow. it was difficult.
my heart was so heavy. hardly smile.
sec 3 i hardly passed my exam to get onto sec 4.
affected me alot. how hurts.
started to go church. cos i was seekin fer helpin hand n listenin ears frm god.
v soon. i became a christian.
at 1st my mom scold me of doin tis. she's an anti christ.
after sometime. prb solved.
still.everydae. after sch.
i juz like to on my discman. walk my way back home. alone.
been dependin of god fer all these time. prayin v hard each nite.
i still cldnt bear to give up on music completely.
around mid yr. i was so happen to noe tis band call swsyouth.
thanks to gavin. my shi fu.
asked me to go to their concert.
v interested in tis band.
met jolin in irc. she brought me to the band.
i finally found a place to play music again. together wif my flute.
but in sch i barely go fer band prac.
wasnt lookin forward fer the new conductor too.
juz anihow play fer speech dae. n stepp down fer n lvl.
i juz onli luv sundae. swsy band prac.
my playing wasnt gd as it use to be.
havin kinda difficult time too.
relationship. was another sad case fer me.
i still confuse wif my heart wants.
after sometime.
i got to noe tis strange guy but yet looks normal to me.
well. lets call him. eh. 'mr smile'
as usual. i tokin crap in irc.
and i so happen to see him in one of the channel.
so ya. sian enuff to click on his nick.
we chatted. like juz awhile.
he str8 asked fer my number? :/
i actually he might be some despo pple or wot. bahh.
but well. i cant be bother also. so gave it to him.
mr smile started to sms me.
24/7. v soon he became my companion.
accompany every min. like a shadow to me.
slowly. i dunnoe why or how to explain.
he actually filled my daes wif smile.
met him in concert.
got free tix frm him :x
talked on the phone.
cheated in class test wif his help x)
promised me to cook fer me somedae.
promised me to bring me out n play after his Os \(^^)/
there's a time. he called me out.
the reason or purpose he said tt he wants to shop fer shoes??
eh. well. in the end. he didnt bought ani damn shoes :s
i juz accompany walk around shoppin centre.
saw his frend n jrs.
i was suprised. to the extent i was kinda scare -.-
pple mistaken i was his gf.
didnt bother too.
we walk around the shoppin mall.
he wasnt realli shoppin fer shoes.
bahh. but somehow. tis mr smile.
juz like smile at me. every min.
i was like staring him behind. dun wan let him see my funni expression ;x
got knoe his frends.
we shared ice cream. merri mint. together.
was it kena force? no. haha.
we chit chat together. seriously we realli look like couple.
maybe becos he was sittin beside me n all.
we luff at each other. comparing who's hand is bigger. who's arm is shorter.
sry if i didnt get to tell him. it was very sweet of him.
after tt. i found out he actually smokes.
but he didnt smokes in front cos he knew i dun like it cos of my father.
it made me v happi when he said tt.
making our way to cine.
lots of his frends was on the street.
they kept on suaning him. said he lousy n all.
cos they tot i'm his gf.
finally i need to go off fer sws concert.
he accompany me to the bus stop.
b4 i left to take the bus.
i was staring at him while he wasnt noticing.
lots of word i wanted to say to him.
but didnt noe how to say it out.
mr smile i'm sry...
my life is realli gettin better.
thanks to those of my frends. been so caring.
listen to my prbs.
encourage me nt to give up.
mr smile was the 1st one tt i realli appreicate alot.
maybe he nvr noe. how cld have happen if he wasnt there fer me.
after killin lots ten yr series fer n lvl.
those nites he spendin wif me. helpin me.
finally was over.
but mr smile's o lvl started after tt.
i stopped to sms him.
didnt want to disturb him too.
while during my free time.
i always been thinking to do smth fer him.
so i actually made some thing fer him.
ofcos he received.
lols. i was v glad he likes it.
i was hopin we can go out again after his o lvl.
started to work in coffee club.
my days was realli tiring.
very nite. on my way home after work.
i nvr failed to look up the sky.
and i actually realised how much i've been missin mr smile.
i knew my heart felt fer him.
but things juz nt gettin the way it shld be.
after so long mr smile didnt sms me.
he's like changed to another person.
the way he sms me.
i cant explain.
tryin my best too.
during releasing n lvl result.
i was so glad i made it.
yes. the 1st one i cant wait to call was mr smile.
at nite. suprisely he sms me.
i nvr been so happi again to get to see him msg me like last time.
he joined swsy. but sadly. he didnt tok much to me.
but he usually go home str8 after prac.
he started to work too.
so cldnt ask him to come out.
gt to noe his frends too.
all of 'em encourage to let him noe how i feel.
during last xmas.
i tried v v hard.
well. ha. tts it.
he left after i lay on his back. which last fer less than 10 sec.
2005.
brand new yr fer me
mr smile sent me his new yr wish fer me.
didnt expect he goin to do tt. but.
tt was the v last time i ever see mr smile here wif me.
after so longg.
i decided. goin back to gsb.
greenridge symphonic band.
i joined percussion fer help.
i prmoised kahruim. i will lead the band well.
after been thru so mani hardshipp.
last tue. we. gsb. did it!
i nvr been so proud of gsb in my whole life.
at lease i noe. i did my job as a frend..
slowly.
i dun get to see mr smile again.
onli seein mr smile's clone but all impression he used to gave me n feelin.
disappeared.
i tellin myself mr smile will be back home soon again.
maybe seein him is juz enuff fer me.
i still got lots of frends fer me.
thanks to those pple helpin me. encouragin me.
and yes god. u're the best.
ks. after typing so long it's already 3.44am
goin to bed now.
oh. if u readin rite now.
thanks. fer readin words which i type it wif all of my heart.
hope after readin it.
nvr give up on anithing.
if u believe. u can do it.
tho right now i might v sick n tired abt some stuff.
but.
i believe in everything.
wot abt u? (:
