Wednesday, August 24, 2005 @11:17 PM
I understand your point of view letting me go
But I thought you had more faith
Everything I've done for you
You made the mistakes and now you throw this in my face
And I have worked so hard for you all of this time and you cast me aside
I understand your point of view
But I can’t seem to get my head around
All the things that I feel good about always seem to disappear
And every time I think I've got this all worked out
Something chews me up and spits me out
But there’s nothing left to fear
Im better alone my dear
You couldn't pick a better time to give me the news
Why don’t you kick me when I'm down?
I'd always believed in you
Defended your name but you have not been true
I gave you so much of my life I’ve compromised and you tell me goodbye
You couldn’t pick a better time
And I can’t seem to get my head around
All the things that I feel good about always seem to disappear
And every time I think I've got this all worked out
Something chews me up and spits me out
But there’s nothing left to fear
Im better alone my dear
I know I really should thank you for setting me free
Its really amazing the changes I'm starting to feel
It's not gonna be long till I’m fit and strong
Deliverance helped me heal still I wonder if you ever wish you still had me
Will I ever get my head around
All the things that I feel good about that always seem to disappear
When every time I think I've got this all worked out
Something chews me up and spits me out
But there's nothing left to fear
No No No
I cant seem to get my head around
All the things that I feel good about that always seem to disappear
No No
And every time I think I've got this figured out
Something screws me up and drags me down
But there's nothing left to fear
I'm better alone my dear
btw i cant sing animore..
right now
i'm standin rite at the bottom of the world.
so deep inside. till i hardly can dive out frm it.
Monday, August 22, 2005 @1:18 AM
God..
would u spare me juz a few moment more before u take back my memories back. will u?
i dun wanna leave my memories away.
.......`
so. he's gonna leave me.
all of these. were juz a beatiful lie.
gee. pls tell me tis is a joke? anione?
no. i nt goin to leave wif a tic of two by myself.
fine. i was wrong.
guess i'll juz go home. i'll be fine.
well. i think i need smth to drink.
ani drink will be fine. coke? fine.
wot am i goin to do?
how am i goin to face everyone.
i'm juz a fool afterall.
"70 cents. thank u"
yes. everything's gonna be fine.
"here you go. thank u fer comin to family mart!...."
alright i'm goin home now.
hey. wait. where's my coke?? -.-
gee. at family mart?
...
-man.can this guy juz step back and lemme go inside the mart?-
?...
he's holdin a can of coke.
wait. the counter desk....
okayy. stupid. tis idiot took my coke.
gosh. wth is he think he is.
and wot kind of outfit is tis.
he still dare to my COKE. look in the mirror! shame on u.
uh uh. dun open it infront of me and drink.
no way.tis is my coke.
- GRUP -
oh well there u go.
givin u back moron an empty wan.
i'm goin home now.
"miss. can you faster? the bus is leaving!"
"sryyy. ermm. i cant find my wallet.."
damn. i think i left at family mart also.
oh boy.
" you must've hurry mdm "
eh. uh oh.
there's my wallet... and my coke..
.......
i'm home.
" so you're through with him? wot did i tell you??... i knew it! "
ha. can u imagine a younger sis is scoldin her elder sis??
" did u eat ur dinner? are u hungry? "
i'm sry mom..
" DAD'S GONNA KILL YOU!"......
woah? tis is my home. and back to a normal life again.
my day started off wif a slient breakfast with my family.
i'm back to wk.
" look. she doesnt look stupid or anithing.. "
look at those eyes....
"totally foxy.."
" do you like ur desk?"
" oh yes. thanks"
" welcome to our team (: how abt fresh start on the new floor? "
" yea. sure "
" being such a feminie and sensitive woman as you are... can you do men's wear? "
" you shld help me. i'll learn "
" i bet u WILL. "
eh? i dun like her eyes.
" you look juz prefect fer the job."
wadever.
" i'm annA "
oh well.
" nice to meet you. i'm kim su-jin "
" i've heard alot abt u "
" frm young-min. ur ex-bf's wife. she and i were classmates in college.
man. i hate tis.
" oh. she's nt his wife animore ya? "
"......."
i think i need a haircut.
" here? "
" yea. shorter "
" you sure? "
" yea "
" i dun get it. gettin a hair cut doesnt help to forget the past."
"...."
" WAIT. nt tt short... here' yea.. "
" heh.. alright.. dun get caught up in it eh? time heal everything. (: "
... did time heal everything? i hope it did.
" feels so gd goin out wif my little ger "
" dad. dun ya hate me?.. i brought bad reputation to family... and u had to go police station mani times fer me."
" oh. did i? ho ho.."
dad....
" to forget easily is a gift. let go of ur old mistakes.make a fresh start "
" sweetie. its no goin to take a long time eh? or do u wanna come along wif dad?"
" eh. nvm. its dusty -_- construction site.... no no. i'll wait here"
" silly ger. okayy. i'll back soon."
........
.....
...
.
man. dusty place -.-
ehhhhh. tis guy looks. familiar.....
waittt. where did i saw him b4..
" some kind of temper he has!"
" wot happen dad? wots wrong? who?? "
" nvm. let's find some where and eat "
" oh. okayy"
hmmm. tt guy.....
work work. prb prb comes again.
" i tot the renovation wld be done by now..?"
" gee..i've screwed up everything -_-! man. they'll fire me...."
" i had my buddy to do tis project. but he took the money n ran away. dammit- i already paid him"
" lemme see wot i can do... i think my dad will help me. yupp yup. leave it to me ya? (:(: "
" realli? wow. thanks man. "
ringgggg-
" heyy dad. i think i need some help frm u...? :X "
" oh. no prb. my little ger in trouble. ofcos i wld save her.."
" yaa. smth went wrong wif my project for the renovation. :// "
" okay okay dear. i'll send someone over.."
" OH YAY. DADDIE- u're my xmas!!!! xD "
" eh? xmas?? -.-''
" opps. i mean santa claus. HEHE \(^^'')/ "
" alright. i send a guy over tml. let him deal wif him okayy? oh ya. careful. he's rough.. n violent? dun mess wif him~"
" ! "
jesus.... o.o'' sound pretty bad....
well well.
guess. he's reachin here soon. rough n violent guy? :/:\:/
-ting!-
speak of the devil..
... !???
o.o! @#$%^&*&^%$#@!`~~~~
this fellow.....
at the construction site...
and.. OH SHIT. WASNT TT IDIOT I MISTAKEN HE TOOK MY COKE?????
shit shit shit.
- TING TING -
lols. shall stop here.
those are frm the movie ' a moment to remember '
a korean movie.
MUST WATCH INTERESTING OKAYY.
Monday, August 15, 2005 @12:58 PM
woah? todae is mondae. and i juz wokeup.
its already nearly 1pm.
ya i chao sch. i did my art perp wk until 3am morning.
tot of drinkin red bull n go to sch. but when i looked at the mondae time table.
oh well. i might as well stay at home.
4 period of art lesson, 1 period of eng. 2 period of ss. then 2 period chinese.
and 2 period of maths -> which i realli dun wanna go -_-
aniway. ytd went to st patrick's concert.
woot. i seriously enjoyed myself alot. realli.
MAN. THE SEC ONE JR BAND MEMBERS ARE DAMN DAMN CUTE OKAYY- AHAHAHAHA. KIDS ARE CUTE :D
eh opps.
they play lots of pieces. i mean. realli aLOT.
worth more than 12 bux okayyyyyy.
after concert. went to the back stage wif yashi they all.
greet the pple like haikal mervin. disturb yunnie. desiee. colin. tok to hilmi n keith.
saw the firewks outside vch :D
slack around at uob mac.
and woot. hilmi called me up.
its pretty weird tt he thank me fer comin :/
lol. dunnoe la. but i surely will go to their concert.
we are music lovers afterall. n hilmi always like a big brother to me.
i can still remember tt time i was cryin over smth.
he pattin my head and ask me hash me nt to cry.
there're also alot of pple are so important to me.
and my frend. if u are readin still. u nvr noe how much u mean to me.
its stupid to say tis. but how i wish i was born to be a guy and study in sps.
and join the band.
oh well. luff wot u wan. but i realli wish tt way.
i seriously envy abt others band.
i already lost my sense of belonging in my band.
i dunnoe where n how to carry on.
nahh. shall tok abt it after Os.
aniway. i got B3 fer chinese.
i nt realli quite happi wif it. so i mostly gonna retake.
but then. my mom said i'm crazy. looks like ive got no choice gotta ask my bro to provide me the $ to retake.
i tryin to make things work.
bahhh.
i wonder if one dae i die.
will there be ani band will play a piece fer me.
will pple still remember me?
okayy. tis is bull shit :X
lalalala.
oh man. did i mention tt i'm havin a mood swing?
tc pple~
Friday, August 12, 2005 @2:56 AM
[[Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
Sewn together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...]]
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @6:01 PM
things are realli gettin out of hand.
sometime i dun understand y- theres always conflict happen among a band.
at 1st i tot my sch band was the worse band.
izit realli tt difficult to learn to give in to each other.
oh well. i'm juz a kid afterall.
i deprived my childhood. tts y i still behave like a kid eh?
i'm noob. i cant do anithing.
at the most. i can onli garb the popcorn n sit down n watch.
useless.
i realized i'm a nothing to you.
frm the beginning till now. i tot u actually felt the same way as i did sometime.
at lease - we use to be there fer each other. a gd frend.
but
i was wrong.
so so wrong.
reality kills me. so badly.
Monday, August 08, 2005 @2:28 AM
You know, when this town's shaded in dusk's shroud
a place somewhere in the world is lit with the rays of dawn
And when that flower within your hand wilts
perhaps, from it tiny seeds will fall
If we call well-trodden earth a path,
will there still be love if i close my eyes?
Should this star have been flat, we never would have found each other
for we were running such that we'd be further and further apart
Our pace never slowing, no matter how far apart we now may be
for we'll gaze upon the other once again, within these recurring miracles
And hey, when dusk lifts from this town
I'd like to let it leave with my tears
If we called the words spoken to me a short story
then maybe, the words that aren't heard are my dreams?
On the leaf floating upon this clear, unfaltering stream
Aspiring to the sea, I'll become the clouds, and patter down as the rain
Nourishing the seeds that've fallen near you, so far away
And if you were to notice me, in another place, I'd be happy
Because this star goes around and around, without an end
the sights I see outside this slightly opened window change
And perhaps within the season that the flower I loved quietly blossoms
at the very end of these recurring miracles - we'll gaze upon each other again
perhaps, we'll gaze upon each other again
Turning, all around you
whirling, twirling, spinning
Round and round I go,
Round and round around you.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005 @11:26 PM
isnt tt so sweet to able grow old wif ur love one?
*********
*******
*****
***
*
...
!!?
OMG- CAN ANIONE STOP ME FRM DAY DREAMIN?
HELP ME CAN. CALLIN FER NURSE- CURE ME CAN.
is already late at nite.
the properbility tt i think of you is 9/10
1/10 is juz onli last fer few second.
the feelin of ur hand still remains.
wot actually brought us together? i wonder.
24 sept coming. i hope i will able to find out my answer on tt dae.
no matter wot it is. i'll be happy.
gee.
i'm sry. sometime i juz think i'm nt perfect fer you.
well. juz changed my layout.
tsubasa! hai. i wanna watch the anime. sob.
aniway. i love the comics.
i juz dream.. my life wld be fill wif lots of fantasy n unknow suprise.
NO O LVL :X
lols. man.
my frends out there.
wld u want to join me to dream together.
a world of fantasy. we fight fer our dreams.
and grow old together. we create our own happy ending.
ooo. i love tis pic. so much.
Monday, August 01, 2005 @10:00 PM
my name is sandy.
i come from a incomplete family.
i never get to see my dad before.
my dad passed way due to lung cancer-
i grew up wif my mom. auntie. grandmom and the other 2 big brothers.
seriously. i dunnoe her age. cos she nvr want to tell me her age.
my big brother, kelvin- 8 yrs older than me. he's a simple minded guy? weak learner.
my 2nd elder brother, vincent- 7 yrs older than me. he's alright.
the funny thing is. 3 of us look different.
we dun look like each other so much.
frm wot i heard frm my auntie.
was tat. my mom last time worked fer 2 part time jobs.
when my brothers were still v small n v young, and i was still a baby.
she gotta earn money in order able to look after us.
we used to live at kampong ara.
my auntie worked in the day time.
and she look after me while my mom was workin at night.
grandmom was the one gonna look after my bros and do the house wk.
after when i grown older.
we moved to ang mo kio.
my memories in ang mo kio..
i remember becos my mom usually went to work fer most of time.
we seldom got the chance to communitcate.
in fact. she was like a stranger to me.
i was closer to my auntie as she look after me the most.
my mom actually is nt quite a educate person.
the way she speaks might sound abit harsh-
well. i was kinda scare of her.
so i didnt like to tok to her most of the time
my brothers were v mischievous.
usually got into lots of troubles.
both were in different sch tho.
whenever they did smth wrong which had my mom went mad.
she juz threw their sch bag outside the house.
use the cane whack my bros and scold 'em v badly.
it happened many time
when i was playin together with my bros.
both they usually like to play cheat n bluff me tt i've lose.
so. ya. i always got bullied. even now.
we mostly card games and all.
they both like to play wif my hair. anihow comb n style.
as time goes by.
i've actaully got to noe my family much better-
my mom has v hot temper. she use to whack me wif cane.
but so lucky tt i'm girl. n i didnt get to taste the pain tt much.
somehow there were few times when my mom realli tok to me.
tryin to communicate.
my brothers did got into some serious troubles.
once was gettin a bike. dunnoe how they manage to it.
and in the end they were forces to throw by my mom.
another time was my big brother kelvin, he told a lie to my sch teacher tt my mom was goin to send to oversea to study.
i also dunnoe y he told such a lie.
and he escaped frm sch and home before.
my mom told tis to my auntie frm my dad side's-
i nt sure wot they did to him. and he stay at my grandmom's (father's mother) house of long time.
if i nt wrong. my brother kelvin, didnt take his psle? or didnt pass?
i remember he didnt get into secondary sch. and after sometime he was studyin in boys' town or u call tt boys' home?
it locate beside assumption english sch.
and fer my brother vincent.
he took his psle and study at anderson secondary school, in the technical stream.
frm wot i heard frm my mom. my bro. he actually did well in his studies but he refuse to go normal acd stream.
after 4 yrs. he studied in ite. also v well in ite too.
both of 'em went to ns.
my family wanted 'em to sign on to ns. as they think its the best choice for their future.
my brother vincent sign on to navel.
but my brother kelvin didnt.
i dunnoe y too.
and me. still studyin in pri sch.
when i was in lower pri. i got bullied by idiots b4.
there once- my teacher askin some stuffs abt parents. dad n mom.
i was the odd wan in class.
when my classmates found out abt it.
they said i was so lucky tt i dunnoe have dad who's fierce like theirs'
and i wonder wheither izit true. ornt?
until pri 5 tt yr.
my mom decided to move into a bigger house.
frm 3 rm to 4 rm.
cos. THE THREE LITTLE PIGS ARE GROWIN BIGGER.
and here i am. stayin bt panjang.
at 1st i kinda sad i gotta leave ang mo kio.
there's the place i grew up... my frends n all.
at 1st. i felt v uneasy. livin in tis unfamiliar enviroment.
n i got transfer frm hao dao pri sch ( renamed as anderson pri sch rite now) to west view.
had a v bad experience in tt sch when i juz joined =\
met my 1st prince charmin when i was pri 6.
u can say tt was my 1st crush too?
and blah blah.
i've manage to get into sec sch by luck? i dunoe.
suprisely. ( greenridge sec sch , sch code : 3051 )appeared in my report slip when i got my psle result.
there goes my pathetic sec 1. my happy n wonderful sec 2. my v sad n disappointed sec 3. my idiotic sec 4.
rite left wif funky sec 5. and my turning point, band (:
fer the past few yrs after we moved in bt panjang.
lots of bad things happened.
after it started out v gd.
i tot i cld live my life juz liddat.
but the orgrane cloud juz rain on my head.
at 1st i was so happy tt i manage to communicate my mom pretty well,
after i attended some wk shop when i was lower sec.
she noes wot i like to eat. and wot i hate.
i tot it will goes well n on.
i cldnt remember wot made us so angry n she disagree wif me things i did.
realised she juz dun understand at all.
and well. i started to bottel up things by myself.
i didnt got a close or gd frend to tok to.
until now i had quarrel wif her till v serious fer like 3, 4 times.
n becos the way my mom use to scold n punish my bros last time.
my bros both dun care n interrup when tis situation happens-
shld i say the reason behind is : generation gap among us?
well. i can get along well wif vincent. nt kelvin.
but my bro kelvin n i convert to christian. wot abt true christian? i cant answer tt-
bro vincent still workin in navel.
bro kelvin. dunnoe wot he work as. v unstable. changed job few times. owe money to some companies.
my family are v dissappointed. even me.
my family members are v selfish. when comes to stuffs like sharin com and all.
i also dunnoe wot i suppose to say.
as i grow older. and i started to think v deeply in my heart.
i dunnoe i started become v allergic or sensitive when pple comes tok abt parents. esp. father.
i realized. i wan a father so much. i wish i cld have a complete family.
i will feel sad or disappointed when i see my own frends smoke.
i dunnoe noe why.
the feelin inside juz growin stronger stronger n stronger.
so one day u might seein me goin crazy eh?
family war seem to be endless.
sometime when my mom juz scolded me awhile. i'll juz cry fer it.
tis is so unhealthy.
everything she said or wot. i will juz take it v seriously.
cure my illness pls.
i noe i found my true frends around me.
but. tis scar can nvr be easily to be cover up or heal.
i started to like kids. and i hope i can have my own family next time.
tis is so strange.
i've seem pple who hates their parent n family.
sometime i wonder they realli hate tt much? i juz wonder y.
i read some comics n novel related abt family love.
like recently i read a book ' the other woman ' jane green. - abt a ger frm broken family met a guy who frm prefect family she dream of.
and comics - angel heart. - a guy, call himself as a 'city hunter'.
a killer. his gf die in car accident. and her heart suppose sent it or keep as a donation.
while her heart was sendin to the hospital. some pple frm underworld took it.
they transplant the heart..
to a ger, 15yrs old who's also a killer. and trained to be a killer since v young.she didnt wish to continue to kill pple n committed suicide.
halfway thrus. lot of things happened.
the ger was able to communicate wif the ower of the heart , city hunter's gf.
after tt city hunter become her father. god father?
yupp. v touchin.
dear mom. i noe i'm nt gd daughter.
dear brothers. i noe i'm nt a gd sister.
n also to my grandmom n auntie. and dad too
if god can give us a chance.
can we become as a family in our next lifetime again?
no more harted. no gaps.
juz a very lovin family which we missed in our life..
i love u all.
