Monday, August 01, 2005 @10:00 PM
my name is sandy.
i come from a incomplete family.
i never get to see my dad before.
my dad passed way due to lung cancer-
i grew up wif my mom. auntie. grandmom and the other 2 big brothers.
seriously. i dunnoe her age. cos she nvr want to tell me her age.
my big brother, kelvin- 8 yrs older than me. he's a simple minded guy? weak learner.
my 2nd elder brother, vincent- 7 yrs older than me. he's alright.
the funny thing is. 3 of us look different.
we dun look like each other so much.
frm wot i heard frm my auntie.
was tat. my mom last time worked fer 2 part time jobs.
when my brothers were still v small n v young, and i was still a baby.
she gotta earn money in order able to look after us.
we used to live at kampong ara.
my auntie worked in the day time.
and she look after me while my mom was workin at night.
grandmom was the one gonna look after my bros and do the house wk.
after when i grown older.
we moved to ang mo kio.
my memories in ang mo kio..
i remember becos my mom usually went to work fer most of time.
we seldom got the chance to communitcate.
in fact. she was like a stranger to me.
i was closer to my auntie as she look after me the most.
my mom actually is nt quite a educate person.
the way she speaks might sound abit harsh-
well. i was kinda scare of her.
so i didnt like to tok to her most of the time
my brothers were v mischievous.
usually got into lots of troubles.
both were in different sch tho.
whenever they did smth wrong which had my mom went mad.
she juz threw their sch bag outside the house.
use the cane whack my bros and scold 'em v badly.
it happened many time
when i was playin together with my bros.
both they usually like to play cheat n bluff me tt i've lose.
so. ya. i always got bullied. even now.
we mostly card games and all.
they both like to play wif my hair. anihow comb n style.
as time goes by.
i've actaully got to noe my family much better-
my mom has v hot temper. she use to whack me wif cane.
but so lucky tt i'm girl. n i didnt get to taste the pain tt much.
somehow there were few times when my mom realli tok to me.
tryin to communicate.
my brothers did got into some serious troubles.
once was gettin a bike. dunnoe how they manage to it.
and in the end they were forces to throw by my mom.
another time was my big brother kelvin, he told a lie to my sch teacher tt my mom was goin to send to oversea to study.
i also dunnoe y he told such a lie.
and he escaped frm sch and home before.
my mom told tis to my auntie frm my dad side's-
i nt sure wot they did to him. and he stay at my grandmom's (father's mother) house of long time.
if i nt wrong. my brother kelvin, didnt take his psle? or didnt pass?
i remember he didnt get into secondary sch. and after sometime he was studyin in boys' town or u call tt boys' home?
it locate beside assumption english sch.
and fer my brother vincent.
he took his psle and study at anderson secondary school, in the technical stream.
frm wot i heard frm my mom. my bro. he actually did well in his studies but he refuse to go normal acd stream.
after 4 yrs. he studied in ite. also v well in ite too.
both of 'em went to ns.
my family wanted 'em to sign on to ns. as they think its the best choice for their future.
my brother vincent sign on to navel.
but my brother kelvin didnt.
i dunnoe y too.
and me. still studyin in pri sch.
when i was in lower pri. i got bullied by idiots b4.
there once- my teacher askin some stuffs abt parents. dad n mom.
i was the odd wan in class.
when my classmates found out abt it.
they said i was so lucky tt i dunnoe have dad who's fierce like theirs'
and i wonder wheither izit true. ornt?
until pri 5 tt yr.
my mom decided to move into a bigger house.
frm 3 rm to 4 rm.
cos. THE THREE LITTLE PIGS ARE GROWIN BIGGER.
and here i am. stayin bt panjang.
at 1st i kinda sad i gotta leave ang mo kio.
there's the place i grew up... my frends n all.
at 1st. i felt v uneasy. livin in tis unfamiliar enviroment.
n i got transfer frm hao dao pri sch ( renamed as anderson pri sch rite now) to west view.
had a v bad experience in tt sch when i juz joined =\
met my 1st prince charmin when i was pri 6.
u can say tt was my 1st crush too?
and blah blah.
i've manage to get into sec sch by luck? i dunoe.
suprisely. ( greenridge sec sch , sch code : 3051 )appeared in my report slip when i got my psle result.
there goes my pathetic sec 1. my happy n wonderful sec 2. my v sad n disappointed sec 3. my idiotic sec 4.
rite left wif funky sec 5. and my turning point, band (:
fer the past few yrs after we moved in bt panjang.
lots of bad things happened.
after it started out v gd.
i tot i cld live my life juz liddat.
but the orgrane cloud juz rain on my head.
at 1st i was so happy tt i manage to communicate my mom pretty well,
after i attended some wk shop when i was lower sec.
she noes wot i like to eat. and wot i hate.
i tot it will goes well n on.
i cldnt remember wot made us so angry n she disagree wif me things i did.
realised she juz dun understand at all.
and well. i started to bottel up things by myself.
i didnt got a close or gd frend to tok to.
until now i had quarrel wif her till v serious fer like 3, 4 times.
n becos the way my mom use to scold n punish my bros last time.
my bros both dun care n interrup when tis situation happens-
shld i say the reason behind is : generation gap among us?
well. i can get along well wif vincent. nt kelvin.
but my bro kelvin n i convert to christian. wot abt true christian? i cant answer tt-
bro vincent still workin in navel.
bro kelvin. dunnoe wot he work as. v unstable. changed job few times. owe money to some companies.
my family are v dissappointed. even me.
my family members are v selfish. when comes to stuffs like sharin com and all.
i also dunnoe wot i suppose to say.
as i grow older. and i started to think v deeply in my heart.
i dunnoe i started become v allergic or sensitive when pple comes tok abt parents. esp. father.
i realized. i wan a father so much. i wish i cld have a complete family.
i will feel sad or disappointed when i see my own frends smoke.
i dunnoe noe why.
the feelin inside juz growin stronger stronger n stronger.
so one day u might seein me goin crazy eh?
family war seem to be endless.
sometime when my mom juz scolded me awhile. i'll juz cry fer it.
tis is so unhealthy.
everything she said or wot. i will juz take it v seriously.
cure my illness pls.
i noe i found my true frends around me.
but. tis scar can nvr be easily to be cover up or heal.
i started to like kids. and i hope i can have my own family next time.
tis is so strange.
i've seem pple who hates their parent n family.
sometime i wonder they realli hate tt much? i juz wonder y.
i read some comics n novel related abt family love.
like recently i read a book ' the other woman ' jane green. - abt a ger frm broken family met a guy who frm prefect family she dream of.
and comics - angel heart. - a guy, call himself as a 'city hunter'.
a killer. his gf die in car accident. and her heart suppose sent it or keep as a donation.
while her heart was sendin to the hospital. some pple frm underworld took it.
they transplant the heart..
to a ger, 15yrs old who's also a killer. and trained to be a killer since v young.she didnt wish to continue to kill pple n committed suicide.
halfway thrus. lot of things happened.
the ger was able to communicate wif the ower of the heart , city hunter's gf.
after tt city hunter become her father. god father?
yupp. v touchin.
dear mom. i noe i'm nt gd daughter.
dear brothers. i noe i'm nt a gd sister.
n also to my grandmom n auntie. and dad too
if god can give us a chance.
can we become as a family in our next lifetime again?
no more harted. no gaps.
juz a very lovin family which we missed in our life..
i love u all.
